Won’t Trust A Hoe Cause A Hoe Won’t Trust Me. May 9, 2009

Leaving KL in 20 days&&I can honestly say that I won’t miss anyone.
Let me put it this way….the drinks, boys, clubs, beds, legs, licks, dicks, drugs, cars, and God knows what other things are good, but ya’ll can take all that&&fuck off.
Or better yet, go fuck yourselves.
Mmm yeh!!

If I sound a little bitchy it’s because I’m flying high.
I have a tendency to play around with my medication – old habits die hard eh?
Psstt, secret #51, that whole “high = bitchy” line is bullshit.
I’m always bitchy.
I know it’s not a competetion, but I still won :)
I swear that wasn’t my bitch smirk.

Or was it?
Partying with Jeven (AKA bumbum / bum) last night was incredibly fun ;)
Everything from the beer to the whiskey to the car rides to laughing over dicks.
The best part of the night would have to be when I had to PEE, (stfu! try holding it in for TWO hours)!! Jeven drove me to the emergency entrance of Pantai hospital, HAHA! I walked in with a terrified expression, asking the nurse where the bathroom was, ran to the bathroom&&came back skipping.
There are friends, and then there are FRIENDS.

xxme

These Lips Need Medication. May 3, 2009

So this is serious.
Just like a heart attack.
My pretty brown eyes finally saw me for what the others see me as.
&&NO, I DIDN’T LIKE WHAT I SAW.

Things have changed.
I spend my days since the event with my best friend.
I don’t want to think about it, so I wont blog about it.
I don’t want to crawl my way back into that clique, so I will spend my days with my RM88 best friend who helps me forget about EVERYTHING!

Do you really want to waste your time caring about everyone&&what they think?
Do you really want to go psycho over a personal message on MSN?
Do you really want to spend every weekend chasing boys?
Do you really want to spend every second on your knees trying to please someone who really doesn’t care about you?
Do you really want to pretend to be in love with someone you’re not in love with?
Do you really want to waste your life on this shit?
Do you really want to be stood up again?
Do you really want to wonder if your brain got lost in the airwaves?
Do you really want to be the girl standing on the ledge wondering if she should jump?
Do you really want to be the girl who’s always going to be afraid of losing it all?
Do you?
Because I don’t.

Make your own decisions.
Life your own life.
Don’t go with what I want because I’m pretty fucked up.
Yeh that’s right: I’m not picture perfect, but it took me three years to figure it out.

That reminds me, I like physics.
I don’t like boys very much.
I like my new combat boots that Nicky bought for me.
I don’t like meat very much at the moment.
I’m amazed that my fingers can actually function right now.

I deleted all of my hook ups numbers.
Best move I ever did.
I’m allowed to say ‘fucking’ right?
Yeh, yeh, I AM!
So, um yeh… BEST FUCKING MOVE I EVER DID.

Boys don’t come first.
Friends don’t come first.
I come first.
It’s time to stop taking care of everyone else&&start taking care of myself.
No one else is going to tell you that you need to slow down or pick up the pace, (except for psycho Malaysian drivers), so PLEASE take time to realize that you’re worth it.

Would you rather spend RM150 on another bottle to get wasted on, or RM150 to get off cancer sticks?
The choice is yours.
I refuse to take the blame for bad habits that ANYONE may have picked up from spending time around me. Why? Because I didn’t force anyone to do anything.

If your want to feel sane, then you have to learn how to feel nothing.
The secret lies in the lips that lie.
The Valiums that need prescriptions.
The relaxants that don’t need prescription.
&&the tattoo that reminds you to breathe every second of the day.

I have a secret.
Many actually….
But I’m saving the third best for next month.

You wanted to cross me?
Well you got crossed out.
I was ON && ONTO something.
I opened up my big brown eyes&&I saw through your little game.
So how does it feel to be Ms.Canada?
How does it feel to finally be one of those pretentious girls that you use to slag?
How does it feel to be the girl who did more than just kiss her friends boyfriend?
I’d hate to be you right now- but then again, why would I EVER want to be a bell on a bike? 
Don’t play games with me; I PLAY THEM BETTER.
Learn.

Till the next Queen Bee session,
XXME.

URGENT: EMERGENCY OVER January 4, 2009

The keys to my panties are still hidden. 
On the bright side, I’M NOT GOING TO BE A MUM.
:) <:) HAPPY MUCH?
Hypocrites constantly contradict themselves. 

MyLittleBee December 28, 2008

Late. Scared. Alone.
When I found out, I was entirely too scared, but my friends held me close&&talked me through it.
I know my lifestyle kills you, so I’m sorry for the past month.
The other half of you isn’t my half anymore – um yeh, sorry about that too.

I Think It Only Makes Sense For Her To Blame It On Everyone Else. December 22, 2008

LIFE 101. 

Recording phone conversations is not cool.
Recording intimate sessions in clubs is not cool.
Recording things that’s only meant for you is not cool.
Please be the bigger person&&step away from things that will cause a “war”.
I don’t keep a black book filled with your secrets, so please stop keeping one with what you think are my secrets.
I’m an open person; I kiss, I lick, I nibble, I tell.
Those are not secrets mk?
Here’s a secret: Crack cocaine fried my brain.
Don’t believe everything you hear because it might not be true :)

Liars Don’t Turn Me On December 21, 2008

Your lips press, slip&&eventually leak. After all these months, my lips still know yours the best. I ask “What’s wrong?” &&you say “Nothing.” In the end, I can always feel it in your kiss; you have a dirty secret that you don’t ever want me to find out about. So what do you do? You hide your secrets behind private facebook accounts. It’s not private though&&your secret is no longer a secret. Far from it actually. At one point it was the talk of D’haven between the girls&&I. But that’s old news; just like you. I don’t know when you gave up on honesty. I don’t know when you decided that tying your tongue in lies would be your new hobby. I don’t know a lot of things about you, but I do know that when you use your lips, it’s usually on me. I also know that I don’t like it, (because LIARS don’t turn me on), so please don’t bounce back to me. See, I can say PLEASE&&THANK YOU – so maybe it’s time for you to add it to your vocabulary list yeh. Why? Because “fucking immature cunt” is not attractive.

Gold Digger? I Don’t Even Own A Shovel! December 19, 2008

You can’t buy me with your money or your ego trips.
I have everything that I need&&nothing that I want.
My true friends are still standing next to me.
They’re still making fun of the time I tripped in Mansion.
Still making jokes about the time I crashed.
&&still putting a smile on my face.
The ones whom matter, don’t care.
The ones whom care, don’t matter.
This is pretty much the final straw because I’m so tired of fighting.
In his eyes I will always be immature.
In my eyes he will always be a cheater. 
Fortunately, not everyone is a cheater.
It’s the little things that count.
The way you tuck my bra strap in when it’s showing.
The way you fix my hair in the morning.
Don’t question it because I really do like it.
This isn’t like some high school junkie drama where I have to fake my feelings.
I like the way you sit with me in the waiting room.
I like the way you put my happy pills in a pink box.
I like the way you surprise me with cheese cakes after every trip.
I like the way you play with my hair when we watch a movie.
I like the way you say “bless you” everytime I sneeze.
I like the way you pick out clothes with me.
I like the way you dance with me in the back of the club.
I like the way you rub my back when I get sick.
I like the way you tuck me into bed after a late night.
But most of all, I like you.
I know that when you look into my eyes, you can see I’m scared.
Mainly it’s because I don’t want to be forced to do things….again!
I have fears&&a whole lot of tears, but somehow you make it easy for me to fight it.
You help me keep myself grounded.
You sing me to sleep&&you’re still my favourite melody.
I have faith in you.
There’s this other kid.
It seems like he keeps trying to get my attention.
Don’t you see what I see?
You keep trying to catch up with me to talk about another blowjob story, but I’m already gone.
We belong alone.
I’m walking away from all these people&&places that I can’t stand.
I deserve so much more.
I don’t like mean people, but I should thank all of YOU because after every episode I end up reading on religion&&it’s like light to my soul.
So once again, thank you for being such a shitty person because you seem to bring out the best in me.

I’d Love To Take A Break From Life Right About Now. October 20, 2008

Veronika Decides to Die – Paulo Coelho
You’re late for the show dipsticks.
I’m telling you stories, trust me.
It’s been awhile since I’ve fucked up.
It’s been two years since I’ve made any calls regarding potential jail time.
In your eyes, I should be the epitome of “good”, but I’m not.
I don’t understand, doesn’t four months of sobriety count for something?
I guess not.
It’s funny how I’m constantly reminded of the past by you&&then you smile at me as you say “Move along.”
You once told me that time would heal everything; I find that ironic considering that it has been one month&&these scars seem to glow with pride.
I’m still not back on track, so why don’t you whisper more empty promises into my ear?
It always worked in the past…remember?
You probably don’t, but I do.
I remember every word.
I remember every shove.
I remember every cut.
I remember when you said this hypocrisy was getting to you.
Well, now it’s getting to me too.
Don’t worry, I won’t do to you what you did to me.
I could never be that cruel.
I know I’m a mess, but I’ll try to forgive.
Or maybe I’ve already forgiven you&&this is all mumbo jumbo – maybe baby.
In a way, I feel like I don’t have to worry anymore because deep down I know this is over.
When you say “I do everything for you.”, I can’t help but wonder why you pulled me under.
Recently, I stopped trying to make sense of everything you said because I don’t even know where to start.
I may be running dry, but this too shall pass.

I’m done trying to prove myself to you.
Why?
Because no matter how hard I try, you always end up criticizing me.
Boo hoo hoo, Shireen can’t deal with nasty words.
Ugh, more like Shireen is trying to figure out why she cared so much to begin with – when we first started out, everything you said meant the world to me….now it means as much as hair dye.
It’s time to stop having mummy or daddy issues.
I need to just BE and DO.
I need to FIND THE DREAM.
“If you don’t live for something, you’ll die for nothing.”
I need to live my life for me&&stop worrying so much about Tom, Dick&&Harry.
Funny, at one point in my life I actually cared about Harry&&Dick :)
Or was it just Harrys dick? :O

I honestly love how people act hardcore with a keyboard.
I love how people stalk me on Facebook.
I love how people grab me as I’m walking to the bus.
I love how people “accidentally” touch me.
God bless all of you.
Really.
Especially the people whom take so much of time to analyze my life.
Their ignorance amazes me.
I LOVE how they’re so rude&&they don’t even realize it.
As for the suck ups, grow a fucking backbone.
I’m still trying to figure out if growing up is an option for you :/
Friends whom ditch other friends for their girlfriends/boyfriends….SUCK!
Just another thing that seems to be happening alot lately.

Life is like climbing a mountain.
I need to BREATHE&&take time to admire the beauty around me.
I can’t rush there.
Even though some people may be moving faster than me, I have to move at my own pace.
Sometimes, when I’ve almost reached the top of the mountain, I just give up.
The reason for living is the satisfaction you get when you reach the top; the feeling is simply priceless.
At the moment, I don’t know if I’ll be fine but I do know that this is like the last time…only a little worse.
“Shireen, stop being indian and dramatic! You KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!” said my bffe<3

LIFE 101 – ACCORDING TO MY BEST FRIEND
a) stop caring what people think.
b) if you’re a good person, people will see it.
c) if someone bitches about you, act normal to the person who heard the shit&&the person who bitched looks like a dick.

Under the influence, “I live my life without taking risks. I think too much about things&&I say I’m going to do something, but it takes me a year to do “something”. My life is empty&&meaningless. I have no aspirations. I have no dreams. I have a little black book filled with all my lies…does that count? No, it doesn’t. I ask pointless questions. I question my decisions. Is this worth it? Why can’t I see what everyone else sees with such ease? Why is it so easy for me to cut people out? I think I need some space – maybe some alone time. HA, I can’t even SAY that I have decided that I want space A.K.A alone time. Nothing is wrong with me. I’m not pissed off. I’m not upset. I just don’t want to talk right now. You know what, I have an idea! I’ll put a hoe blocker up so that people can’t call me. Seclusion, here I come.”

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Do you understand what I‘m saying?
The lovers that leave us will always hold a place, but it’s wrong for us to think that we can keep them.
-Friends, foes, hoes: If you can’t get through my phone, text me.
xxme

August 22, 2008

holiday: take it easy, i need a break….click.

It Gets Better…. August 22, 2008

I don’t see the point of talking to strangers.
I don’t see the point of talking about the past to people.
I don’t see the point of answering all these stupid questions.
I don’t see the point of smiling when I don’t want to.
I don’t see the point of trying.
I don’t see the point of peer pressure.
I don’t see the point of these undeserving twits.
I don’t see the point of being so hyper.
I don’t see the point of this…..anymore